she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
