All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We're facebook friends in real life
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
