I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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