just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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