smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
