just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
