some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
