Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
