It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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