I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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