how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
