my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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