let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
