I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
