I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
