You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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