Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
