look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
