My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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