Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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