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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
