Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
