She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
