They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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