He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you made out with another girl for some wings
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
