If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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