Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
