you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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