I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
