pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Then you guys just all showered together...?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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