i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
