I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
