your thong is hanging out like whoa
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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