I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
