you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
