i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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