you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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