She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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