my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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