I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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