I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
