Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
