I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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