Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
