Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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