i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
