YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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