when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
