I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize