My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
