i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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