bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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