Apparently you make a good broom.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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