Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Less talking, more tequila
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
