; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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