I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
