In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the liver wants what the liver wants
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
