You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So many bounce houses so little time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
