A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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