they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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