I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
