after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
