dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
