it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
