True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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