Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
