Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
