why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
