Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
