Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
