She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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