Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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