Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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