I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
