whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
