I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
