Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
