Michael Bay diarrhea
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
