I wish you could order shots online.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
