whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
