and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
