You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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