Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
