u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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