i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
