How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
