What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
