last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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