thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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