omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
