Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
